Love is noting but choosing a partner of our own taste

[bmbcAdmin]

Many may think, "Discussing about Love in such a Traditional forum - Is this sensible"?!

But, here I wish to point out two things:
1. All shastras including Jyothisham & Grihya sutras are giving importance for the liking of each other than anything.
2. Days and equipment s are tempting youngsters to move towards Love. If we do not allow inside they will get it outside.

Then ....
Expecting your views....
NVS

[VVR]

Understanding love.....

Love is one of the most misunderstood and dangerous emotion which is more dangerous than hate.....

[Kausik]

I do agree with the second point of NVS Mama, while I am not suitable enough to comment about point # 1.

Nowadays parents are so busy with making money and running around like headless chicken (sorry for the analogy) that they have no time to sit with their boys / girls. The kids are in need of affection and it so easily comes from the oppesite sex and with the Modern technology acting as catalyst the resulting situation is disastrous. So they end up in the hands of the people of their choice.

In most cases the choice happens to be some one providing the missing affection, whether it would last is another question altogether.

[bmbcAdmin]

Quoting from Grihya Sutra & Shastra About Love is important than anything

"எவளிடத்தில் கண்ணிற்கும் மனதிற்கும் பிடிப்பு உண்டாகிறதோ, அவளை மணந்து கொள்வதால் தர்மம் முதலியவை வ்ருத்தியாகும்" - தர்ம சாஸ்த்ரம்.
"yasyaam mana: chakshusho: nirbandha: .... ithyeke" - Apastamba Grihya sutra 1-3-22
(36)எந்த கன்னிகையிடம் மனத்தாலும் கண்ணாலும் த்ருப்தி ஏற்படுகிறதோ
அவளிடமிருந்து கண்டிப்பாக அவனுக்குச் சுகம் ஏற்படும். எனவெ வரன் மற்ற
விஷயங்கள் மீது கவனம் செலுத்தாமல் அவளை விவாஹம் செய்து கொள்ளவும். - meaning for the above verse.
As per jyothish shastra all major editions are having the text "Manapporutham is important than any other porutham".

You may believe it or not I allowed my children to select their partners of their own choice with only one condition "Please select from our community to give us pleasure and peace"
My elder son and daughter are selected their partner themselves by accepting our condition.

[Kausik]

I agree with you. However, your personal experience of love marriage is an exception.

Most of the cases that we keep hearing is that the boys / girls elop with some one from an another case / Religion, which is what I am against.

Having choosen some one we feel would be compatable with us is correct, but what if the elders in the family feel otherwise? Should the elders leave it and take solace in the scriptures? or compramise and accept? We have seen examples of both these situations.

I dont know which is correct and would depend on the situations but is there some litreture which says how to dweal with these situations.

Sorry if I have spoken harshly.

Thanks,

Kausik Sarathy

[bmbcAdmin]

When we started to discuss a thing, we should not feel others type of expression, they have their own right to express their intention with emotion.
If we are dare to practice a hard thing to bring it practice then there will be no bad feelings.
I should not blame youngsters, because in the beginning they are allowing them (youngsters) to do what they wish.
Father and mother are encouraging them by giving protection from one another by saying false reasons often.
Also, they (elders) are not think backward about their childhood what they did against their parents!
The percentage of level of disobedience is going on increasing in similar proportion with elders tolerance.

My best suggestion to bring the youngsters in your route is not controlling them to avoid such things, but by showing good alternates and hiding bad things from vision.
nvs

[drnbhashyam]

Many may think, "Discussing about Love in such a Traditional forum - Is this sensible"?!

But, here I wish to point out two things:
1. All shastras including Jyothisham & Grihya sutras are giving importance for the liking of each other than anything.
2. Days and equipment s are tempting youngsters to move towards Love. If we do not allow inside they will get it outside.

Then ....
Expecting your views....
NVS

The contemporary concept or meaning of love is restricted to and circumscribed by physical needs of the body with no concern of social, religious, spiritual, ethical , racial, cultural etc considerations. It is purely carnal and and is the result free expression of animal passion.Let us not mistake it as surrender of boy to the girl and vice versa

Even if it is permitted by Jyotisha etc, the tradition need to be observed.If we are liberal towards love then we should also encourage same sex marriage etc.

Let us mordenize but not at the cost of our time tested rich traditions and practices.....


N Bhashyam

[bmbcAdmin]

Well said,
My aim or recommondation is not supporting love marriage but at the same time I wish to point out some custom are follwed in the name of tradition without any shastra base to delay the marriages and losing good choices from the own sect.
I missed to add one important thing, that shastra is stressing the word "Savarnai" while choosing a gilr.
nvs

[Ravi]

As His Holyness Paramacharyar in Deivanthin Kural, keeps repeating, dharma sastram is the base on which everybody should decide, what is right and what is wrong. He points our tha due to dharma sastra, India was the best and advanced in many aspects when people in other countries were roaming around in jungles. Moreover love marriage will indrectly encourage deviating from Varnashram Dharmam. For those who ask me, there is no varnashram dharmam, so why to follow, my answer is that we should strive to bring it back with full vigour.

Ravi

[Ramanujadasan]

reg misunderstanding... of love

Love is one of the most misunderstood and dangerous emotion which is more dangerous than hate.....

Yes, anything be it love or casual words if misunderstood its more than dangerous only

[Ramanujadasan]

sari thaan........as long as they have the Blessings of their Parents besides God's

[gowriputran]

Re: Love is noting but choosing a partner of our own taste

Dear All,

Though this posting is old one, I am just seeing this and hence sharing my ideas.

First of all in todays love marriages is there any love really? In most of the cases, either it is illusion or a feeling false pride ( feeling that he had done something great which is normally kindled by the friends circle). More than 90%of the love marriages of today ends in divorce within a year. This is mainly because of not having enough maturity, false ego, not knowing or willing to adjust etc.


Where as on the other side in arranged marriage even if there is any differences , it is either solved/sorted out by the elders in the family or by the couple themselves.


The major difference in love marriage and arranged marriages are.


1. In love marriage there will be more flexibility and tolerance before marriage and completely opposite immediately after the marriage.

Where as in arranged marriage, they will start understanding each other only after marriage by which time they are already united which makes them/compel them to adjust, compromise at any cost to continue the relation.


In Love marriage, nobody comes to help them to sort out their differences or even someone comes to help them the couple don't listen or agree to come for a compromise. This mainly because of their individuality and ego.

But in arranged marriages people particularly elders from both the sides come to their rescue, advises them, give counselling to them and bring them to a agreed settlement. The couple also in most cases agrees for the elders formula.

3. The chances of joined family is mostly ruled out in love marriages whereas in arranged marriages even if they lead a separate life (Thani Kudhutthanam) it will be after some time. This surely gives them a breathing time to understand each other and to adjust among themselves in future.

4. Even though the society talks too much about freedom, socialism etc. in loud voice when it comes to one's personnel life love marriages are easily not approved. A society is nothing but a group of individuals. Hence the society too do not support the love marriages particularly in villages and small towns.

Hence my feeling is it is better to accept the arranged marriage and lead a peaceful life.

In fact, I have seen in many cases, the parents whose marriage is a love marriage do not support love marriage for their own children.

I remember a old tamil movie song


PENNE PARTHU THUNAI YEDUTHAL PAVAM UNDO

VERUM KANNE PARTHU SERVADHILE LABAM UNDO

PETRAVARGAL PARPATHINAAL NANMAI YENNAVO

AVAR MATRAVAIRAI PAARPATHINAL NANMAI ALLAVO, NAMAI ALLAVO

WITH BEST REGARDS

S. SANKARA NARAYANAN