Every year, on Thula krishnapaksha chaturdasi tithi adiyen performs matru
We haven't celebrated deepavali since 1991 except in this year (virodhi). We
have been told that until pitru sraddham is completed, we cannot take perumal's
aradhana theertam at home or in the temple, including Perumal's prasadam or wear
new clothes; Suggestion was to perform Perumal aradhanam, complete sraddham and
then take theertam.

The conditioning is very tough.

vachika doshaha kshantavyaha

I wish to state another logic here:

Any thing can be done unless otherwise specifically pointed out in shastram and
the thing should not make any 'bhangam' (degrading the quality) to the following

Now if we apply this logic to Deepavali :

There is no 'bhangam' for Shraaddha karma if we took oil bath in the early
morning and wearing the new cloths.
So, taking in of any water or food material is to be avoided which will make
bhangam to Shraaddha.

Also it is in tradition, preparing some acceptable extra sweets and savouries
and offered to the bhokthas on festival days.

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1. Now a days most of the karthas and bhoktas are not avoiding coffee before and
after shraaddha, which is different.
It shows, the interest to know about shastra is not kept in practical.

2. I could not understand the conclusion of your message.